My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
