Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
