i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I want to walk on stilts...naked
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
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I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
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It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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