I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
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I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
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There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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