Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
