i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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