i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
