I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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