dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
