Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
