and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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