Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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