respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
