you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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