I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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