Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
