my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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