I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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