He uses pillows to masturbate.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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