Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
