im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
