Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
