the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
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