I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
