what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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