I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
