i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
