Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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