yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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