Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i just sent this text using only my big toe
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
