Say something about gay babies.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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