even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
