does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
