Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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