She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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