She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
