did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
