i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
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Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
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She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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