I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
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He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
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You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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