Just look for the house with the beer knights.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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