mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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