Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
