If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
