He had one of those small greek statue penises
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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