i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Randomize
