I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I wish there were birth control emojis
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Randomize
