I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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