her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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