If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
