she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Randomize
