My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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