so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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