the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
