it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
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