So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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