I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
