I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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