You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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