meet me or not, i'm out of control
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
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She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
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Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm bleeding and have questions
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