It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
