You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
