Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
