And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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