first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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