I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
