I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
