her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize