Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
